Does Monogamy Still Exist?

Monday, 4 June 2018

Guys repeat after me,"MONOGAMY isn't realistic. Monogamy isn't realistic"

I think we can all recall that very iconic, opening scene from the film 'Trainwreck', in which a younger version of Amy Schumer's character and her sister are being brainwashed, by their recently divorced father, into believing that monogamy does not exist. I remember watching that opening scene, wondering what horror their father had experienced that forced him to become so utterly bitter to such a universal life experience. What horror had he experienced that was causing him to force his innocent young daughters to believe in such a negative belief? Why was he taking away their right to free will and forming their own opinions about love and relationships?

The past month, for me, has been something of a rollercoaster. I have learnt more about myself, than I've probably learnt in my whole life. And I've taken a leap with things, that normally would have had me running a mile away. I have laughed with tears and I have cried with laughter. I have felt excitement and that great rush of joy before you embark on a chance encounter with someone kind of awesome. I also felt the sudden, intake of breath as my psyche started to process what a mess and mistake said, chance encounter was.


DISCLAIMER: The dresses featured in these photos were gifted from Tobi. However all words and images remain my own. 

What happened?

Now, recently I decided that it would be a good idea (god only knows why) to get myself back out there in the dating scene, and dear what a mistake it was. Forgive me guys for being a negative Nancy, but dating apps are damn near impossible to use now. Nearly every guy and their dog are just looking for a quick hook up.

So I gave up on the apps and I decided to give the old classic, meet-up-with-a-friend's-coolish-guy-friend-and-see-where-it-goes. Well it certainly did go. I guess you could say up, up and away, never to be seen or heard of again away. I'll spare you all the boring embarrassing  details and give it to you plain and simple...He was an arse, all he wanted was fun and it didn't work out.

How does New dating make me feel?

Now obviously I can't go into sheer detail about what went down, but I've relayed the story to a few friends and most of their reactions when I tell them the guy was an arse because all he wanted was "fun" was "so?" Which led me to thinking...Am I a prude? Am I the modern day Virgin Mary? Is it so wrong to want to be wined, dined and romanced in 2018? Why is it so hard to find a genuine guy who want the same things I do? Am I too high maintenance?!

All of these thoughts, led me to thinking about the role I play in modern day dating. I like to think, that I play the fun, loving, free spirit, with a sharp, yet sarcastic tongue, laced with undertones of chicness and dark humour. So long and short of it, I'm a pretty good catch, right? Wrong. This demeanour, somehow translates to men, as fun, flirty and f*ckable, which leads a guy to misread my eye flutter of 'I'm-here-for-the-romance signal into a let's-go-back-to-my-place command. I mean COME ON, I was just trying to be cute for pete's sake!


Is monogamy gone for good?

As I pondered on this, I started to wonder: Is monogamy gone for good? I bloody well hope not. Ever since I was a little girl, from the days of mean girls and 13 going on 30, Monogamy is all I have ever believed in. It is a way of life. It is romance and it is beauty all wrapped up in one...Well that's what it seemed to be in the past.

Maybe I watch far too many classic Hollywood movies for my own good. But is it so wrong to believe in romance? Is it so wrong to believe in two people being wholly committed to one another, far beyond the bedroom? Is it so wrong to want to be a tiny bit selfish and have one guy all for myself? I mean, I hate sharing my food, so why should I have to share my men with other women? Why can't I have my cake and eat it too? Are men just scared? There are just too many questions and not enough of them are being answered.

Is he still out there?

I have invested many, many TV years into the turbulent 'Sex and the City' love life that belonged to Carrie Bradshaw. As she bounced between Big and Aidan to Berger right back round to Big again, I slowly started believing that my Mr monogamy right is definitely out there...somewhere (?) Although fictional, the show has shown me that, somehow, someway true love will always find it's way back to you.

My special 'He' is probably off visiting the Harry Potter studio tour for the fifth time in a row, or cycling a trail in the hills of Scotland - wherever he is, I am trying with my hardest of hearts to maintain the belief that he is out there and that one day soon or in the far-off future, we will meet.

And in the words of Blair Waldorf herself..."I am someone who's not going to stop looking for love, just because I've lost it"...Wise girl that Blair was, wise girl.

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