The Harsh Reality of Being a Bad Blogger

Striped Top c/o - Tobi
Sunglasses - Accessorise
Hat - H&M (Similar - BLACK)
Sandals - Primark (Similar)

Hello social friends, how are you? Long time no blog. Well, I kind of need your help with that. It seems I have misplaced my blogging gene and I have fully forgotten how to blog. Cue the sad music, violins and everything else in between, because this girl is in serious need of some assistance.

Over the past year I have felt the most detached from the blogging world than I have ever done in the entire 4 years since starting this gag. I have felt detached in a way that mimics that of a snake detaching it's body from it's old skin. I am the old skin, I feel old. I feel dated. I feel abandoned. I feel scared. Somewhere in between starting a new job, getting nominated for a blogosphere award and living my best life, I lost my blogging mojo. I lost the ability to talk about fashion's current trends and the inner workings of my psyche. And as more people who knew how to do this well became more significant, I grew more insignificant.

You see, I love blogging - actually no, scratch that. I adore blogging. I adore what it has done for me and who it has helped me to become. It lifted me out of very deep and dark hole and I have never felt more grateful to an art-form. But despite the joy it has given me, it has also filled me with the most immense feeling of self-doubt, questions of self-worth and soul-crushing self-loathing. I become angry and critical when I can't keep up with weekly posts. I become desperate and dark when I experience that dreaded writers block and can't produce a post of substance for weeks. I experience the crushing feeling of guilt, when I know I have a brand collaboration deadline looming, but I can't for the bloody life of me, sit down to write the words or get my camera out to take the visuals. It is immensely frustrating and on several occasions it has even made me feel like I needed to give up blogging entirely.

And while frustrating, it is equally strange in measure. Strange, because I often have a very clear picture in my mind of the kind of story I hope to tell through the words in my blog post. However the translation from thought bubbles to keyboard typing, gets a little muddled along the way and my great, big ideas transpire to be more of a brain fart than a post of excellence.

It's safe to say the last couple of months have had me feeling pretty crummy. All until recently...one day...something happened, something great...I got an email from Blogosphere magazine, telling me that I had been nominated for their network member award! Can you believe it? Little old me? The girl who is scatty as anything with her blogging schedule and has nothing on the blogging moguls of the world.

Sandals - Primark (Similar)

Something changed that day, the strong feeling of self doubt and self loathing that I was experiencing for the past few months, began to lift and my heart started to feel a little lighter. Some people may call it nothing, but to me, being nominated for that award was immensely validating. The nomination meant that somewhere out there, someone believed in me and what I do, whether it's on this blog or my everyday life, someone believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. Belief is hope. And hope gives us life. And that was enough for me. It filled my soul, and it is helping to bring my blogging back to life.

Going forward, I think I have made peace with the fact that I will never be able to stick to a rigid blogging schedule, producing a certain number of posts per week and promoting the hell out of them. Unfortunately,  I just don't have the time and often the mental capacity to do so - and that's ok. Coming to terms with that, now means that my heart will be lighter, my mind will be more open and hopefully my blogging will be better because I've learnt to accept it.

The top featured in this post was gifted to me from Tobi, one of my favourite international online stores. Their style is fresh, millennial and sassy, so if that's you, I would definitely recommend, you take a look at their clothes.The top has an off the shoulder cut and paired with flared sleeves, it's definitely the kind of sass I need my summer wardrobe! I have paired it with my favourite high waisted shorts and my favourite green space this side of London - Fryent Country Park. The sun was out, it was blissful and it made for some very fun photo-taking and a French Riviera inspired vibe that was totally my aesthetic that day.

So I guess I kind of figured it out on my own. Maybe I never really forgot how to blog per se, perhaps I momentarily forgot who I was and what it was that I did on my blog that was special. And I guess, I slowly am finding it...one blog post at a time.

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