Is Solitude Really Bliss?

Monday, 3 July 2017

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, But it's only me, and I walk alone...

I guess you could say that I am what is considered to be a lone wolf. The popular Green Day lyrics, I've inserted above, were most definitely made for me. I'm a loner, I live for solitude and while it can often be the most blissful thing in the world to me, recent reflections and happenings have made me start to question whether I am too far deep in solitude that I'm forgetting to experience all of what is around me.

My solitude didn't truly begin until my time at university. Before that I guess I was what you would call an adventurous introvert. I enjoyed spending time on my own, but I also loved being amongst other people aswell - oh how I miss those times. It was the perfect balance between being able to enjoy your company but also enjoy the company of others aswell. I would attend parties with ease, dabble in between different social groups and still return home at the weekend and curl up with a good book - blissfully in solitude.

However, somewhere between a period of deep, dark sadness and my reprise, I started to spend more and more time on my own. I cancelled commitments, isolated myself from friends and entered into an existence of which was solo and something kind of lonely. When I did have to go out, it would be for a few hours at a time and I would always avoid getting into big, large crowds, where being with people a few more than myself was a possibility.

You see, solitude, a lone state of being...isolation, is only ever as blissful if it doesn't start to seep over into other areas of your life. For some time I had tricked myself into believing that mine had not transferred into other areas of my life, but I was wrong...oh so wrong. You see, I have gone so far into a period of isolation that I have managed to trick myself into the belief that I'm happy, content and optimistic about the future. The truth is that I'm not. The reality of it is, that I am terribly unhappy and terribly lonely. All that solitude is simply just - no longer blissful.

I have been living without bliss and I am so terribly sad for it.

I find it somewhat ironic that I have found myself back at the point of describing my loneliness to you all, as it was around the same time last year that I did the exact same thing - when I wrote this 'alone' post. Maybe it's something about this time of year or maybe it's something about me and my life that I'm doing wrong. Maybe I need to change. Maybe I need a change. I don't know.

I guess all I know is that in order to be better in life and to lead a better life we must surround ourselves with good. We need to shower ourselves with light, with happiness, with love and...with loved ones. It is only then, that we will truly begin to enjoy our solitude...

Photos by my best friend Arj.

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