Banishing My Scrooge with Acceptance

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Seasons have passed, leaves have burned dry, the sun has faltered and the wind has has happened and here I am back again for another summer season. The only difference to the last few that I have had is that I am actually feeling happy. Genuinely, truly and purely happy. It is not euphoric happiness, it is not crying happiness, it's more of a mellow one, it's satisfaction and it's acceptance.

You see, for so long I have spent every summer season, pining after the "perfect" life.  I craved perfection and for me perfection always involved having someone to love and being ridiculously successful at whatever career I chose to embark on. When I started to fail however I struggled to accept my mistakes and I failed to accept that my life was starting to look like something that was a lot less than perfect. For years, I would plaster a big, fat smile on my face, drown myself with tequila shots and then spend the rest of the year being internally miserable for the life I so desperately pined for.

My problem was acceptance, I struggled to accept that the love I so desperately desired just wasn't going to work out. I struggled to accept that the person I shamefully wanted to become was just not who I was. Over time I learned. I reflected. I grew. I changed. And I accepted.  Accepted my mistakes. Accepted my loves and accepted my losses. And with the acceptance came the derailment of the bitterness. And with the loss of the bitterness, I paved way for a new space in my heart, a space where joy and happiness could now reside. And with this newfound space of joy and happiness, I could finally start to fully enjoy all of the beauty and love that comes with the rays of the summer sun.

For years I have struggled to love myself truly. For years I have struggled to accept my inability to wholly commit myself to a person. But here I am, back for another season, full of acceptance. Full of happiness. Full of joy. And full of hope...hope for a brighter tomorrow and someone to share this with. From my acceptance I have gained hope and that is a greater gift than what any under-the-mistletoe-make-out-session could give me. I have hope.

As always thank you guys so much for reading...

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