Don't Beat Yourself Up Just Yet...

Monday, 20 February 2017

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Recently I have been beating myself up about my lack of achievement and progression in my life. I have been struggling with my procrastination within blogging and the constant tumbleweeds that have been sweeping across my inbox for the past few months. I have been punishing myself, calling myself negative terms like "stupid, weak, boring and useless" because when I look on social media, I feel like just about everyone and their grandma is achieving something great. And yet, here I am, hating my job, hating my body and hating who I am, because I feel like I'm not achieving all of the things I want to do, but feel like I just don't have the time or mental capacity for!

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 You see, my problem is, I've always been ambitious and hardworking. I've always been the girl who would set a goal and relish in the journey it took to achieving it. And when I finally did, I would feel motivated to achieve something even greater than this.

To be completely honest, I don't really know what has happened, but setting and achieving goals, has become a lot more of a challenging task than what it once was when I was a youngster and would set goals to achieve good grades. I don't know whether it's my declining lack of self-esteem or the fact that physically I'm just not what I used to be (Gosh I sound like such an old lady when I say that!). Mentally and physically I've become a lot weaker, and I guess I just don't have the energy or speed to attack and achieve my goals as fast and fiery as I used to. And now I am drowning myself in self-defeat and cognitions of slimy comparison.

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Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love

Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love

Comparison in the blogosphere and social media world is rife at the moment. I see it everywhere I go and I would be lying if I didn't say I haven't played a victim to this thief of joy. Because I have, every single time I log onto a social media app and see someone tweeting about something amazing they have done or are about to do, I feel this annoying need to compare and contrast. And do you know what the funny thing is? It's not even like I'm not happy for everything that I see other bloggers and creatives achieving, I am, I couldn't be more happier if I tried. I love when people achieve their goals and I am all for celebrating people achieving their dreams. It's just I always have this niggling little voice in the back of my head saying: "What about me? Why am I not achieving great things too?"

 And so I began to ponder. I started to reflect on the previous year and actually was able to devise a list of smaller goals I had achieved in the traumatic year that was 2016 (which is saying something, because 2016 imo was definitely cursed!). I realised that I had managed to go on two dates with TWO GUYS (heck of an achievement for an introvert like moi), taken on more psychological responsibility at work (which is essential for my future plans to becoming a psychologist) and have become more mindful and happier within my every day life.

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Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love

In reflecting on these things, I came to realise, that lo and behold, I was bloody achieving. I was doing it. I may not have been accepted onto a doctorate clinical psychology programme, but I was still making strides towards my career goals in some way. I may have had to change the entire plot of my novel, but I was changing it for the better and that was more important. A relationship may not have sprang from the two dates I did go on, but I had stepped out of my hermit crab comfort zone and that was something I never thought I would've been able to do in a million years! I may not have been completely 100% in mood, but I was definitely having a lot more happier days than I had, say 3 or 4 years ago. I was doing something. And in doing something, I was achieving.
Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love

Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love

I guess what I'm trying to say is...don't beat yourself up, if on the surface it appears that you aren't achieving your goals. Perhaps you aren't succeeding in the big, flamboyant way that you had hoped, but if I've learnt anything, there is always something smaller that you ARE doing and that should always be celebrated. So maybe, you aren't working with the biggest brands in the business or getting engaged to the man of your dreams - it doesn't make you a failure...PERIOD!
The bigger goals and achievements will come eventually, they sometimes just take a little bit more time and a little more graft - but that's ok. Because while we work fruitlessly to smash those goals out of the park, we are ticking so many smaller boxes, which are contributing to our  own personal records of achievement.
Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love
Boohoo pinafore knot dress, new look suede black ankle boots, asos round sunglasses and flash lens tort, uk fashion and lifestyle blogger, 100 Ways to 30, fashion bloggers, h&m short necklace gold, blogger comparison, achieving goals, self love

If like me, you are beating yourself up about not achieving some of your more important and bigger goals, don't. Turn it around. Look for the positives that are already staring you directly in the face. Choose a day, take some time, put on some music and reflect. Reflect on the year or years just gone and think of all of the great things you have done. Think of all of the wonderful ways you may have helped someone. Think about what has made you happy. And- WRITE-THEM-DOWN. Create a visual representation of your achievements and make yourself feel good. It's ok guys, you will rule the world one day, but right now, let's celebrate the fact that you are already ruling your own personal world!
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