11 Signs that Made Me Realise I'm a Commitment Phobe

Wednesday, 9 November 2016

commitment phobe, relationship anxiety, signs of commitment phobia, list, blog, uk blog, lifestyle, single, relationships

I recently broke apart from someone, who I really liked, and my reason being, the same as it always is 'I'm not really ready for a relationship just yet'. But after looking back on other times I have used this same ever famous line and  previous patterns of actions with previous admirers, I started to wonder whether this 'I'm not really ready for a relationship just yet' was a sorry excuse for something much bigger than what I initially thought. And I started to wonder whether what I really meant to say was 'I want a relationship with you, but I'm scared of commitment, I'm scared of letting you in and I'm afraid to let myself truly love.' Quite a mouthful isn't it? Well that thought is a real one and is one of the many things along with a lot of the ones below, that made me recently realise that I am indeed a commitment phobe.

Here now are the following 11 signs that made me realise that I am a commitment phobe:

1) I was constantly explaining my singleton status to strangers, friends and potential suitors with one of two phrases: "I just haven't met the right guy yet." or "I'm just not ready for a relationship just yet." for a way of comfort to myself, when it eventually occurred to me, what I really meant to say was...

2) Every right guy that did actually come along, I chose to push away or move on from in the excuse of there always being "someone better for me" than he. When in actuality he was the best for me, I was just too ignorant to see.

3) As for the "I'm just not ready for a relationship just yet." This line was code for "I want nothing more than to be head over heels in love with someone, but I'm too scared to commit myself to them".

4) My relationship history is pretty much non-existent. And upon careful analysis, I have come to the sordid conclusion that a lot of the time this was because of my very own wrong-doings.

5)  I play the game of 'See how far you can push a guy away, before he actually starts to crumble, walks away and doesn't ever come back' oh so bloody well.

6) I recoil to my very core, each time a SO (significant other) or guy I like mentions any form of our future relationship endeavours together. It evokes an anxiety so strong within me, that I sometimes feel nauseated. 

7) My inability to commit, extends far beyond that of just relationships. I struggle to make any kind of commitment, finding it difficult to commit to a future night out with friends, a career choice, the plots of my stories or even what I'm going to order from the Chinese takeaway menu tonight.

8) I love the chase, but I hate the catch - The initial stage, when you're chasing that person, is the best part of a relationship for me. When I finally do manage to get involved with that person on a more serious level, I start to lose interest and to put it lightly, start to get...bored.

7) I always fall for the guys that are unavailable e.g. those that are already in relationships, emotionally challenged or just all round no good guys. The idea of commitment scares my subconscious so much that, it has tricked me into believing that getting involved with people who could never fully get involved with me, would be a good fit, but in actuality is perhaps the worst possible thing I could ever commit to.

8) I am forever looking for a way out - Despite being absolutely head over heels for someone, and knowing that they are as right for me as right can be. I always have one hand on the door leading to happiness and one that leads to the exit.

9) My mind plays the cat and mouse game: When I'm spending most of my time with a guy I like/dating I start to feel trapped and my insides feel like they are being suffocated. However when I'm away from a guy for too long, all I wanted to do was spend all of my time with him and tell him how much I miss him, and then when I do eventually see him, the cycle begins all over again!

10) I will eventually start to become obsessed with seeing only the negatives in a guy, to the point where his positives, can no longer be seen. Giving me a good enough reason that it is time for me to move on.

11) I throw myself into my work every time someone starts to get too close. No matter how ovrewhelmed i already am, I'll always take on extra projects, work overtime and basically will be all about the work in order to give myself an excuse to spend less time with the other person...

There is a stereotype that bounces about society that makes us believe that most commitment phobes tend to be men, but here I am, living proof that this is wrong. Commitment phobia or relationship anxiety exists in as many women as it does men and is not necessarily isolated to one gender. And while it is not necessarily something to preach on home about, the fact that I have recognised this in the early stages, only means that I have a better chance at nipping it in the bud early and hopefully, possibly, one day...may be able to find and accept love wholly. 

I'd like to know, are any of you out there self-confessed commitment phobes? Do any of you do any of the things I listed? 

As always thank you guys for reading! Until next time I'm...

Scribbling Away Xx 

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