So guys I have been single for practically ALL of my life! Why you ask? Well up until recently I struggled to understand why. But I have been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of reflecting recently and have come to these 8 conclusions as to why I'm still single. Hint: A lot of it, is actually down to me! Shock horror - I know! Enjoy...
1) Independent woman -"All the women, who are independent, throw your hands up at me!" Haha! Funny story - I used think they were singing, "Throw your hands at BATMAN!" So much LOL's! Anyways, independent ladies, have you ever had a guy feel threatened by your success? Or just all round put off by your ability to function completely on your own, without his assistance? Because I have, and it's annoying as f*ck! I'm sorry guys, I know you want to take care and provide for us and everything, but some of us girls don't need and don't want it. We just want your loving and your good abs. Sorry if you feel threatened by the fact that I earn a better salary than you, but I'm not about to give this up for shit, so you either deal with it or get packing! #Throwyourhandsatbatman
2) Easily annoyed -It's a well-known fact about me. My family know it, my friends know it, heck even my cat knows it! They all will do something on a daily basis to annoy me, because they know I'm an easy target. So many things about potential suitors annoy me, and they just get the boot ASAP. 'Chewing with your mouth open?' Please just go and lie in a ditch somewhere. 'Scraping your cutlery against the crockery" There is a special place in hell for you, and it is not my heart! #foreveralonebasically
3) I'm a SELFISH foodie! -I love my food and I really DON'T like sharing it with anyone. The obligatory "Would you like to try a bit?" question, annoys the life out of me every time I have to ask it (Especially when I'm HANGRY) and I will ask it through gritted teeth! I know, I know, that's selfish af, but I like my food OK! And I like savouring, every-last-bite! I'm not here for a lady and the tramp spaghetti sharing moment.
4) Personal space snob -
I get really angsty about people in my personal space! it's not even a - you smell so move 10 meters over there thing. It's more of a ' I get really anxious and scared when people enter my personal area, I feel like I have no control and something will go wrong, so please don't hate me for it' thing. God knows how I will ever share the same bed with a significant other (If and when he decides to materialise!) when being within a few centimetres of somebody makes me feel so anxious and generally just unwell.
5) I'm not playing hard to get, I'm playing scared to get! -I really would like to play the hard to get game (mainly for a laugh), but I know that I would fail miserably. I do not have a seductive bone in my body and I always get scared when I have to breathe the words "Hello" to a guy, so imagine what I would be like actually trying to play "the game". SINGLE forever, that is what I would be like!
6) Given up on love -That's right, I have been single for so long, that I have quite literally just fully given up. NO, there aren't plenty more fish in the sea, infact there are NO more fish left in the sea, they have all been taken. Therefore I don't stand a chance, I might aswell change my FB status from single to retired spinster and adopt 70 cats. #foreveraloneforever
7) I'm closed af -I'm not even going to hide it here, but I am a closed, defensive lady. I don't let people in, I don't open up to people enough and I sure as heck don't trust them enough. This has ruined potential relationships for me, more times than I can count and it's something I'm working on all the time. However as for right now, girls want guys to tell them things and guys want girls to tell them things and I just can't do the talking and opening up about my feelings things just yet, so yeah - chronically single.
8) All of the good guys are already taken -I wanted the guy with the good career, adventurous, funny, smart and all round good guy...SNAP - taken. I waited a lifetime for another guy who was a downright a**hole, but I still waited and guess what?...SNAP - taken. Every one I come across has already been taken or are about to be taken. I just want to know when will I get a chance to take em' And by take them, I mean take them home, hehe...for milk and cookies of course! (Gosh you guys!)
So yeah, basically, I'm single and alone for two very simple reasons:
1) Men are the biggest bunch of a**holes I have ever met!
2) I'm probably an even bigger a**hole who needs to learn to compromise and act more human if i ever wish to find someone!
In the meanwhile, I will channel this pretty amazing woman, who looks cool and mysterious af. Totally my aesthetic!...I wish.
Scribbling Away Xx