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'I've felt love. I'm sure I've felt it. Actually, I know I've felt it.'
Sometimes I reflect on previous crushes/flirtationships (because I've never actually been in a real relationship), I have had over the last few years and I wonder, if I ever really did love them, or if I just lusted after them, or maybe I just loved the idea of them. But then that got me to thinking, how do we know when we love someone? What does love feel like? How does love for a significant other, differ from other, more generic forms of love. Does it feel the same as the love you feel for your mum and dad? Or the love you feel for your pet? My thought is - it doesn't.
I have fallen for guys many a time. Some I fell for stronger than others. I recently developed very strong feelings for a very special guy. He was like a breath of fresh air, to all of the other horrible men, I had got to know over the last 4-5 years. He was morally right, and just an all round good egg. As my feelings for him grew stronger and my thoughts for him grew deeper, I started to wonder whether I could actually be in love with him. And whether we could develop feelings of love for a person, we were not in a relationship with.
Love is a subjective feeling. Everyone will feel it differently and no one person will ever describe it the same as the other. To me; love is joy, it is pain, it is sunshine and it is rain. It is a journey and one that we all will embark on, some, more times than others, some, only once. But there is one thing that is forever constant about this thing called love. It is always reflective and life-changing. Sometimes love can give us the positive outlook we so desperately longed for, amidst the horrible grey skies. And sometimes it can be the heartbreak that leads us to becoming closed and distrustful. However, as I said before, it is subjective and the way you feel love, will always depend on you, the kind of person you are and the kind of person you have fallen in love with.
After careful consideration, I soon came to the conclusion, that I didn't in actual fact, love, love - can't live-without-him kind of love, the guy I so desperately wanted to be with. But I loved the way he made me feel about myself and the way he made me look at life. He changed my perception of the world we live in and he helped me to open my mind, to the possibilities of the world. That was the love. The real love. But sadly, I didn't love him. Sadly, he wasn't supposed to be a part of my journey.
You see, as I mentioned earlier, there are different types of love, and while each might not always prove lasting or perfect, they are sometimes beneficial to you and can provoke a feeling that is very much invaluable.
So the next time, you're wondering what you gained from your high school love or the love you developed for that handsome bartender you just couldn't stop going back to his bar to go and see - Remember that it was love and all love matters. But what is most important is that it was your love and that is all that matters.
Your love. My love. Big Love.
As always, thank you guys so much for reading. Until next time, I'm...
Scribbling Away Xx